My Secret Story...

Well, I'm supposed to sleep by now, but I just want to update my blog as a way to release the stress I'm having now.. So, it's just a short one. My holiday has gone for half, and I only left another half now. I was being so PRODUCTIVE until I couldn't sleep early during this holiday. Thanks to the PA and Maths T Assignments! T.T I have decided to put my Chemistry assignment and homework aside first since the deadline for PA and Maths T is by next week... T.T x2  Life, please be good to me. Oh god bless me so that I can hand in all my work on time! I attended my cousin's wedding on last Saturday at my hometown. Sorry to say so, but I didn't really have the mood to cheer, celebrate or whatever because I was worrying about my PBS all the time and some reasons that will be remained untold. But still, as a cousin, I gave my best wishes to the sweet couple and hoped that they will stay happy ever after. =) Took this picture when I was on the way to the restau...

Well, today is actually the day for us to know our STPM First Sem results... But most of my friends checked theirs yesterday... >.< To be honest, I didn't really have any anxious feeling about getting the result, or I can say that I'm not nervous at all.... BUT, when most of my classmates managed to access the link to check the result yesterday, I started to become a little bit nervous since I don't know how's my result and I couldn't access the link... I WANTED TO GET THE RESULT ON THE DAY ITSELF!  lol And then, on the next morning, which is today, I managed to check mine online in school using cuthbert's laptop. Oh my god, my heart was beating like crazy when the page was loading and my friends were standing behind me staring at the desktop, Damn Stressed leh... So, I got A. A-, B+ and B with cgpa 3.5! Well, it was actually better than what I expected because I was so worried about my Chemistry because I thought I screwed it up last year... So, I...

最近, 我又开始想起他了, 才发现我真的有点变了. 从刚开始的天天想他, 后来的常常想他, 到现在的偶尔想起他...我好像...真的...已经习惯他不在眼前的日子了. 昨天, 他们又问了我一样的问题, 我还是一样, 给了一个非常不确定的答案. 问我还想他吗, 问我还喜欢他吗, 问我还有跟他联络吗..... 这些问题就像一根根的刺, 刺痛着我的心... 我当然还想他啊, 毕竟都已经13年了, 怎么可能说忘就忘呢? 只是, 忙碌的生活, 让我没像以前一样时常想起他而已...  还有跟他联络吗? 答案很简单: 没有. 这个问题, 总是让我每想到一次, 就想哭一次. 不是我不想跟他联络, 是我没办法这么做... 而那个原因让我太心痛了.... 还喜欢他吗? 我真的不知道... 一直以来, 我都不断的问自己, 为什么那么喜欢一个人, 喜欢了那么久, 到现在都没办法放弃呢? 从以前到后来毕业, 我一直都跟他维持在几乎像陌生人般的旧同学关系... 现在就更加不用说了. 我跟他, 没有交集, 没有对话, 也没有相同的话题, 完全就是两个不同世界的人....我甚至从来没有好好叫过他的名字.... 既然如此, 我为什么还要喜欢他呢? 我究竟是用着怎样的心情去喜欢着他呢? 连我自己也不知道. 我只知道, 我就是一直喜欢着他, 从来没有改变过... 至于那些所谓的回忆, 都只是我一个人的回忆而已... 那些回忆, 所剩下的, 都只是无数次的擦肩而过, 静静地看着他的背影, 而他应该都不知道吧...  为了看见他的笑容而开心一整天, 为了他所说的伤人的话而难过一整天, 为了他哭, 为了他笑, 这些都是他不知道的... 那我为什么还要守着这些记忆呢? 坦白说, 现在的我, 已经不知道自己的心在想什么了, 我只是很努力地不想忘记他而已...  也或许是想要对得起自己付出13年的感情, 所以才不想那么轻易就放弃吧... 现在的我, 很害怕自己的心会开始为了谁而动摇, 所以把自己内心深处给封闭起来. 害怕自己会因为对朋友付出太多的感情, 没有得到相同的回报而受到伤害, 所以把真心也给藏起来, 保护自己. 害怕自己会因为别人对自己好一点而开始依赖别人, 所以选择了逃避. 不管对谁都好, 我以为, 现在的我很成功的做到了这一点... 但是...

Yup, This is a post that is specially dedicated to a Girl which I have known for a very very very long time! Happy Sweet 19, Shu Ying!!! =D In the same bus that fetches us everyday <3 Hmmm, how to start ya..... Tan Shu Ying, my very first friend when I first stepped into my primary school, Lick Hung. I still remember how we met each other on the first day of school. My mum was holding my little hand and her mum was holding hers. Then, our mums talked to each other and found out that their girls are going to be in the same class. LOL We smiled to each other and walked to the hall together. That was how Our friendship started since that day. =)  There are so many similar things between us, we live so close to each other, take the same bus to school and became classmates for 6 years!!! Well, she came my house everyday after school when we were in standard 4 till the day we graduated from our primary school. We grew up together, studied together, gossiped together, spen...