My Secret Story...

Pretty sure I have emptied my mind for a few weeks without thinking about my future studies, that's why I have more time to think about other not-so-important stuffs.... Sometimes, I would have this kind of thoughts:  And it hits me really hard. Maybe my thoughts are overwhelmed with insecurities, maybe I'm just lack of confidence, or maybe I'm afraid of being forgotten... I realized that I'm actually good at remembering those little things or moments, when other people don't even notice or even put an effort on remembering it. Every moments I remembered became memories that meant so much to me. But it didn't mean the same to someone else. They might not even care, not even once, I guess... That's why I always persuade myself that I shouldn't put too much hope when it comes to relationships. Knowing a person's name doesn't mean you know that person. Even though how much I care about someone, doesn't mean they feel the same ...

After sending the scholarship application letter, it was a big relief. It's like, I finally done something BIG. (yeah, I'm exaggerating) Then, my brain stops thinking about the courses and the fact that I have problem choosing my future.  Yeah, so, whatever. I'm still depressed in a way, just it is not so mind-killing now.  I'm trying to convince myself that I would be fine when the day comes.  I have no choice but to face my problem, by myself.  No one is responsible to my own sadness, except myself.  Yeah, learning to face my problem alone is not that hard, right? Rainy day made the floor wet and the feeling of fear became stronger than my first visit.  Hmmm, I'm okay to stand by myself, I guess.  I know I talk a lot, like A LOT of craps. But I know I'm not good at expressing the true feelings. I know. The insecurity is too strong and it suffocates me. Like now. Not like I couldn't find a good listener, ju...

After working as a homework teacher for a month, I really miss my childhood a lot, especially when I look at the kids everyday. Despite the negativity that floats in and suffocates me, I'm still feeling better when I see the kids playing around.  Even though the children have tons of homework to finish everyday, but they are still enjoying their time doing the things they like. Every small little matter seems to be something Big in their eyes. Every single moment seems to last forever in their mind. Simple and Innocent.  Like my standard 1 girls, Jolie and Cyd Nie, got to know each other for the first day and they wrote a note about they are Best Friends forever and ever again. The standard 1 boys, Keith cried and told me that Jayden didn't want to friend him, then the next moment, they were playing together again. And then, my standard 2 girl Elly told me that she would remember every teacher she talked to before, forever. But I doubt that... LOL Some questions that ...