My Secret Story...

It's 929 again!! So happy for myself! LOL For the very first time, I didn't spend my birthday with family at home nor with my closest friends in school. I spent it with 6 hours of lecture classes, with mamak as lunch and dinner, in Uni with my Uni Mates. Well, though I didn't really "cut" a cake today, but at least I had some celebration with my beloved ones for the past weekends. =) Jeannie jio'ed me and Chien Zong to have lunch with her last Saturday, because she is leaving to UK on weds. Glad that I actually managed to meet her for 3 times this year... Hahah Gonna miss her cuteness and weirdness after she leaves... sobs.. Who on earth knows that these 2 weirdos ( I called them that way because they are really weird.. XD) could NON STOP teasing me about the same thing for the whole lunch date.. Gosh!  I need my market please! LOL But they sure made me laugh a lot just like how I made them laugh for my silliness especially we took some Wefie.....

努力地压抑自己心里的期待. 因为希望越大, 失望就越大. 想哭的感觉又莫名地浮现了.  总觉得那所谓的期待, 都变成了奢望. 总是觉得很孤单, 很讨厌被忽视的感觉... 唉, 还是专心读书好了. 不知道他是不是回去英国了.

不知道什么时候开始, 我变得比以前更难开心起来. 我并没有哭, 真的没有. 只是一个人的时候, 总是觉得很失落, 很想哭, 但是都在没有掉过一滴眼泪. 总觉得很辛苦. 以前, 一个人待在一个空间, 无论发呆, 看戏, 听歌, 甚至吃泡面, 我都觉得很享受. 即使没人陪我都觉得没什么大不了. 可是, 我不知道从什么时候开始, 觉得自己一个人做一件事就很可怜. 一个人走路回家, 一个人发呆, 一个人在房间吃杯面.... 我从来不觉得一个人在房里吃杯面很可怜, 但是到了大学, 那种没人理我的感觉就变得很强烈. 存在感变得超低, 几乎是零. 我的人缘, 真的那么差吗? 我明明很努力的认识更多人, 为什么还是有一个人走路回宿舍的时候? 我一直这样问自己... 为什么主动认识人的是我, 难道就没人想和我做朋友吗? 我知道我一难过起来, 低气压就很重, 所以我都尽量隐藏起来. 我一直想找人说话, 因为我知道我只要一安静下来就跟隐形人没两样. 可是感情建立是双方的, 只有一方在主动是很累人的. 难道是我付出的努力不够多吗? 我已经无言了. 这一切也不能让别人知道, 因为这样人家应该会觉得我只会埋怨别人吧... 我就只好继续努力了. 再次从零开始吧. 我只要找会当初中六的感觉就好了.

Time seems to pass faster after I started my uni life. Due to that stupid wifi which my pc could actually detect it but couldn't even load a page, I just manage to update my blog after half of the month passed by. I guess this is the first time I felt so sad for September arrived that early, at first.... I thought I would have home sick and cry every single day when my uni starts.  But no, THAT is not what happened.  I do have home sick every single day, but I never shed a tear from my first day of orientation until now.  Perhaps it's because I set my expectation towards the Uni and hostel to the lowest, that's why I didn't cry because it was slightly better than my super low expectation. Except for the washrooms. Yes, I'm super disappointed with the washrooms. Not to mention my room, which I could actually spot the bricks behind the painted wall.  Perhaps I didn't cry because I was too tired after the super torturing yet memorable orienta...

After living for 20 years, for the very first time, I'm hoping September to come slower or maybe never come.  But.... HI! My favourite month for every year. Please treat me good today.  Gonna start my uni life 7 hours later. Here I go UM!  Hoping that my choice of taking business admin would bring me to a better place with many possibilities. Positive ones I hope.  Couldn't imagine the rest of my days spending in the hostel.  This orientation week will decide my future uni life.  To stay or not to stay. I guess I will be fine... Soon....  Fingers crossed for good roommates!  Will there be someone that stay oncall for me?