A bit more to go.

So, another 14 weeks have gone and I'm still alive.

Yeah, almost every semester I would say the same thing and feel grateful when it comes to the end. 

Well, still not the end yet, since I'm having my finals next week. Urgh.

CAN SOMEONE REMIND ME THAT I'M CURRENTLY HAVING A STUDY WEEK, NOT A STUDY BREAK???

Because I think I'm treating it like one. =/ 

I even planned for outings instead of my studying first. errrr.......... I will make sure to have progress tomorrow, oh no I mean after I wake up from sleep later. 

Can you imagine that somehow I already reached to that level which I was actually looking forward to study week because I'm so fed up with my assignments and I just couldn't wait to end all those shits. 

Since the beginning of every semester, I foresee myself to be more occupied and work hard to achieve what I want. Yet, things didn't really work out that way. In fact, I'm getting worse from one semester to another, my plan is working the other way round. Not to mention my poor English and stress management. 

Actually I was quite proud of myself though. Even when I was complaining about how tough and tiring my semesters were, I still went through them and survived until now eh.

True story.

I know I will survive through them in the end anyway, just that it isn't easy to do so.

This semester was crazily and extremely tough and tiring, no matter mentally and physically. I strive very hard to stay strong but I couldn't help to hold my tears and being heartbroken. There was nothing really good has happened to me for the last few months. 

I couldn't get the hostel I want and I ended up giving troubles to my brother and I had to endure all his bad tempers because I wasn't good enough to drive alone. 

I have nearly 0 social life since I have to go home every day and couldn't stay late because my family would be worried about me. I didn't get to have outings with my friends and buddies that often.

I can't help with the feeling of being replaced, that I'm not that important after all. Even to my only closest friend in university for this semester because others had gone to exchange in other countries. (I hope they won't see this) But I can't blame anyone because it was my own choice and I couldn't spend more time with them because I'm just being troublesome to everyone. 

I'm too naive to believe that distance and time spent together wouldn't affect our friendship, in university I mean. Or maybe they think that I'm not putting enough effort to keep them. Perhaps it's just our bond wasn't strong enough to support the distance between us or just because I'm too sensitive again. 

Then, after my granny has gone, I was very fragile and I couldn't hold my tears whenever I thought of her. I was hoping for a shoulder to count on or someone who could pick me up when I fall into the deepest depression. I couldn't manage my emotions well and keep myself focused. 

I screwed up and did very bad for my mid terms and assignments. I felt that I'd lost all my motivations to move on. And for the very first time, I finished my assignments after the deadline I set for myself and I felt extremely bad for this. 

Too many disappointments have brought me to a point that I don't feel like myself anymore. I became the person that I hate the most. It was the worst of me. 

Going through those hardships, there were lessons that I've learnt too. 

Never take things for granted. Especially the people that you thought you could always have them with you. 

Never give promises that you couldn't keep. 

Never show your sadness to anyone because no one would actually feel the same pain like you did. 

And lastly, Learn to deal with everything by yourself, Because no one would take the responsibility for you. 

Sigh, enough for today eh. 

Anyway, it's not the end yet. Time to get focus on finals and forget all the unnecessary.