My Secret Story...

我的心情超级差的...真的很想大喊之类的... 真的很烦, 很烦...本来拿到成绩后, 应该高兴好几天的, 可是现实却把我压垮了, 我真的快受不了了, 眼泪一直不听使唤地流个不停.... 不知道自己为什么要哭, 别人善意的关心, 让我不知所措, 让我觉得有种无形的压力... 我原本很清楚自己要的是什么, 可是家人不断地要我再三考虑, 考虑到最后连我自己都不知道自己要什么, 做什么才是对的.... 一直鼓励我读pharmacy, 却没有想过我其实想学别的, 还是这科到底适合我吗... 一直叫我读form 6, 却没有想到我其实想先试看有没有办法让我读我最想要读的学院; 一直说读business是浪费的, 难道要我读我不想读的科目就不浪费吗? 说我能读, 但你们到底有没有想过我有兴趣吗? 为什么要把我的自信心磨得一点都不剩?? 唉,说穿了, 我哭或许不是因为别人, 而是我自己....是我自己不够坚定, 是我自己不够自信, 是我自己条件不好, 是我不够了解自己的长处, 这都不能怪别人.... 因为自己英文不好, 所以都不敢放胆去申请奖学金; 因为害怕自己会辜负别人对我的期待, 所以想要妥协; 因为自己不是什么有钱人, 想读什么就读什么, 所以不想自私地浪费父母辛苦赚来的钱; 因为自己害怕失败, 所以想要逃避问题; 因为连自己都不知道自己要什么, 所以才觉得自己很可悲... 一切都是我没有自信所引起的..... 都是自己的不足才会这样的....再加上我做事情通常只有三分钟热度, 又慢半拍, 要我怎样知道我的优点在哪里嘛.... 现实和梦想总是有一段距离的..... 不是我想怎样就怎样的... 我多么地希望自己能够做自己喜欢的事情... 不用去在乎别人怎么想...

YAY YAY YAY!!! I'm SO HAPPY today!!! Scored 10 As for SPM!!! After all my hard work....=D My birthday wish becomes true!!! And thanks to my 632 lucky stars!!! =) Proud* I'm not trying to show off or anything, I'm just feeling happy... Everyone has the rights to be happy right?? Especially when you tried very hard and you get what you want!! Talk about reward, I never think too much about it, thats why I'm so shocked when my mum said that she wants to reward me with a costly touchscreen phone, and I was like o.O (shocked). What I actually want is to study at the college I want, that will be my biggest reward if I make it... Well, I need to face the reality very soon... Gonna start my plan tomorrow...Aiming for scholarships!!! Is not that easy to apply scholarships, and the hardest part: Interviews!!! That's scary.... I wonder how I got A for my 1119.... Anyway, I'd like to thank my family, teachers and of course my friends that supported me and encouraged m...

SHOUT**** My heart starts beating like crazy now... After stoning at home for 3 months, I'm going to get my SPM result tomorrow!!!! I'm hoping for the best... The results i'm getting tomorrow will decide what subjects I should take for my further studies, and of course scholarships!! So, please please please!!!!! fingers crossed*  Anyway, I need to be confident!!! I did my best right?? =D Well, I think I should sleep early tonight...so that I can wake up early tomorrow....I don't want to show my eyes bags to my friends and teachers.... and I'll look like a big fat panda, No way man!!! Btw, I gonna have my driving lesson, and afterwards I've to get ready and go to school in time... Quite a busy morning tomorrow, hopefully I won't make any big mistakes when i'm driving due to my nervousness...LOL Thats all for today, I can't describe the anxious feeling I'm having now..... Wish me the best of luck!!!! =)  

虽然说自己非常清楚自己是有多么地平凡, 但是这是我第一次, 真正地感觉到我和你之间, 差距到底有多大..... 我和你, 真的好像是来自两个不同世界的人. 你是那么接近完美的人, 似乎没有什么事情是难得到你的; 而我却是什么事情都做不好, 老是惹祸的人. 你有绝对的自由去做你喜欢的事情, 完全不受约束; 而我却不能照着自己的想法, 去做自己喜欢的事情, 不能想要去哪里就去哪里... 你的生活, 跟我的生活, 也是完全不一样的. 就连最后我和你唯一的共同点, 也早就成为过去了. 我真的很羡慕你, 非常羡慕你... 在你面前, 我总是没有办法做回真正的自己, 我怕我会让你看见我狼狈又自卑的样子. 我怕你会再次看见我哭的样子... 再过几天, 应该能见到你了吧... 这几天, 又想起了以前的事情. 不知道你过得好吗, 改变多吗? 虽然很想见到你, 但是我....还是一样, 没什么是变得很好的耶...说不定, 你根本就忘了我的样子了... 再这样下去, 我该怎么办啊?? 是应该忘记你的啊....不然以后一直活在过去, 好像不太好耶.... 如果当初, 没有把你放在心里那么久的话, 现在的我, 就不会那么难过了吧......