My Secret Story...

那一年, 是一场无声的告别之旅。 和曾经的无知告别, 和曾经的单纯告别, 和曾经的心动告别, 和曾经的承诺告别, 也和需要用 "曾经" 来形容的你告别。

Perhaps am already tough to say that I've already given up on you?  It has been a long time since the last time I dreamed about you eh. It wasn't a good one this time. I was still very annoying to you even in my very own dream. But it was so real that I thought it was true.  I still hate growing up sometimes. Things get complicated and the memories that were once my sweetest started to hurt me a little deep within. Just because I started to understand and realized the truth behind those fantasies I created myself. But life is about moving forward and no turning back. The reality hit me harder day by day.  It is the price of growing up I guess. To realize that we were never meant to cross paths in our lives, To realize that we were from 2 different worlds since the beginning, To realize that all the memories I treasured so much were just the good sides and the fantasized pieces.  To realize how naive I was back then when I thought a moment would m...

So Hi! Supposed to be sleeping right now, but yeah, I've just done watching the 9th episode of Globin and I just feel like updating my blog. Sleeping early plan doesn't really work since I started my sem break because I was busy cleaning up my room and the only time I could watch my long awaited drama is at this hour? LOL I promised myself to sleep early after I'm done with this drama okay!  Just realized I've been expressing my emotions better and more often in Mandarin ever since I joined Chinese Society's event last year. My poor English has gone even more rusty than ever, my god. So just ignore me if I have made any grammar mistakes because what I'm doing now is basically practicing and picking up my writing skills before it goes worse. LOL Was planning to have a summary of the happenings last year after my finals. but I gave up since I was being too lazy and I guess I've already repeating those events a lot, so I won't mention them in parti...

还没考完试的时候，心里一直想着有好多事情想做。考完试之后，因为自己的愚蠢和浪费时间搞砸了最后一张试卷，本来可以拿好一点的成绩就这么被我亲手送走了。 T.T 完全气自己气到想撞墙的程度。现在也只能求神拜佛不要考太差就好。T.T 然后，一直想找人聊天，滑着电话簿，却发现有些没有空，有些不能找，有些则找了也不知道要说什么才好。也发现自己好像没以前那么好脸皮主动找人聊天，怕被无视，怕被嫌烦，怕得不到回应。其实自己也有很多东西要整理，也可以做很多事情填满难得空闲的时间，但不知怎么的就特别想见到大家。 再然后，一直有个冲动的想法。如果我伸手想留住自己很在乎的人，他们就不会走了吗？ 想要为理不清的思绪弄个明白，很想说出之前一直没说出口的话，很想把心里的不甘全盘托出。 然后清醒的时候又觉得自己很傻，干嘛要重蹈覆辙呢？ 我那么执着的心情，真的有人理解吗？ 我那么想要知道的往事，把话说出口的时候，得到的答案有意义吗？ 当我知道问题的答案时，我还能改变什么吗？ 想到这里，那一刻的冲动突然变得胆怯起来。我的玻璃心应该承受不起。我没那么勇敢了。 刚刚看到了一句话，回忆之所以珍贵，是不是因为对方越来越不在乎，自己才会越来越喜欢回望从前呢？ 我从以前就很讨厌不清不楚的感觉，我不喜欢误会解释不清楚的感觉，我想把话讲清楚，我想把心弄清楚，即使是遍体鳞伤也不要再黯然神伤。闷在心里太难受了，觉得介意的只有自己， 实在太不公平了。 曾经发生的一切仿佛像是一场梦，回忆不停地在单曲循环，心很累。以前本来是那么自然的习惯，如今连开场白也不知道要说什么了。怕换回来的不再是一如既往，而是对等的冷漠。 我想要把话说清楚，真的很想说清楚。我想要知道原因，我想要知道答案，一个其实不是很重要我却很想知道的答案。我真的觉得自己像个傻瓜，一直执着没有用的东西。 天平座就是这样吧，一直犹豫不决，一直想要让自己的心得到平衡。我在乎的，和你在乎的不一样吧？ 就把话说清楚，好吗？把一直没说出口的话都说完，好吗? 让我把话说完，好吗？