Please be fine.

Am trying to write something emotional but I couldn't put myself into words.

Not sure what to write about actually, am trying to express myself but still not good enough to write things down. 

Having complicated feelings at this moment and I just want to immerse myself a bit into the emotions by listening to sad songs and not to sleep. Such unhealthy lifestyle. Tsk.

How I wish that I did not try to talk to you. 

Why am I doing this to myself?

Why am I feeling pathetic for myself, for trying to hold on something that has gone?

Why am I the only one who seems to care? 

I doubt if I've really known that person who stood in front of me that day.

It feels so unreal. It feels like those memories were just my own imaginations that have never happened. 

It was full of laughter and now the only thing left is endless awkwardness. How ironic.

It was a joke. It was a game. And I'm the loser now because I've taken things too seriously and kept putting false hopes. 

And then I realized how selfish am I. 

How I wish I have never known you at all.

It would be better if we weren't even close at the first place.

At least I wouldn't having hard time to deal with hard feelings.

At least I wouldn't care that much. 

At least it would be distance that drifted us apart and not misunderstandings that hurt.

Letting go is always something that I'm not good at. I hate myself for that. 

Accept the fact already, please. Stop torturing yourself, please. Stop acting that you are fine when you are not. Stop whining around when no one is listening. Stop trying so hard when it's the fact that you wouldn't go back the good old times. Stop expecting people would care about you like how much you care about them. Stop hoping. Get a life please. Why care when there's no one even putting in effort to keep you?