Rest in need.

January has just gone in a blink of eye, 1/12 of the year has gone LIKE THAT. And I wondered how I actually spent my entire month. Exams, workshops, roadshows and MBSS. I didn't really get to rest fully to do what I usually do during holidays. =/ 

For example, being a full time Potato. 

Well, I did get to sleep until late morning every day, and slack all day long by doing nothing productive at home. Usually by this time, before CNY, I should have done all the cleanings and tidying up my room. But now still left 1/3 of the room and I'm lazy. =/ 

I just realized that my holiday has only 2 week lefts and I didn't really spend much time staying at home. Even when I stay at home, I feel lifeless. I have a lot of event stuffs to do, but I slack as much as I could. I don't want to call companies, deal with other departments or worry that I couldn't find any cash sponsor. I just want to watch my favourite drama, have a good night of sleep without stress, catch up with my favourite people and have nothing to worry about. But I just couldn't do whatever I want, even though I slack a lot, I still need to get them done. 

And then I wonder, why people are so enjoyed when they are preparing their events and I'm not. Why am I doing all these stuffs if I don't really enjoying doing it. Why did I choose to do it when I don't even love what I am doing right now? How irresponsible I am? I'm so not good at everything. T.T 

And I'm disappointed with my sem 3 results, I expected myself to be at least remain at the bottom line of the list so that I won't need to pay back the loans. Or maybe I should just admit that I'm Kiasu. =/ I feel stupid already, I wanted to blame myself for joining too many events, but there are people out there who joined much more events and they did better than me. Or I should blame myself for spending too much time on going out lepak and not studying? Or should I blame myself for being too proud? I'm not that smart after all. =/ Sigh. Now I need to put more effort to climb back up there and find my study motivation back. 

I want to go for Korean exchange programme but I'm too lazy to do research. Urgh. Can I stop being so lazy? T.T 

I'm so lost right now. Where is my motivation? T.T 

I miss being a potato.