My motivation.

Well, after ending my internship, I'm giving myself a holiday before I begin to find a job again. 

Well, I have successfully became a successful potato for the past whole week. This time I do feel guilty by a little, since I temporarily lost my source of allowance. (Even I was a semi-potato in office for the past 6 months, at least I earned money for myself. lol)

After being asked about my future plan for n times, I still couldn't give anyone a proper answer. Urgh. You know the stress starts coming in when your friends start asking you when are you going to search for a job and telling you without money you can't do anything. 

Okay. 

My plans do change over the time. Not to mention my thoughts about my future during my uni times, I will just mention about the recent ones. 

So here are the thoughts I had since last August along my internship.

Along my whole uni lifetime, my main goal was to major in finance so that I can go into finance industry in future (so called professional mah). Then it has failed due to some reasons I mentioned last year and what disappoints me is when my friend told me I could ask for acknowledgment letter if I managed to major finance in the end since it won't appear in my cert. Okay, life doesn't go smooth all the time. *Heartache 

It really frustrated me a lot I must say thanks to the registration course system in UM. I lost count on my disappointments on failing to get the courses  I want because they do not offered the subjects as promised. 

Okay back to the topic. LOL So my Plan B is event management. Even my best friend said I seemed to suit this career well, despite my lousy driving skill. I guess because I'm always the one who organize gatherings and being an information center might make me a good event planner. And my dreamy imaginations can make me a wedding planner too. LOL That is when I start to doubt if finance is really what I am looking for. 

And then, my thought has changed again as I feel like doing something meaningful other than working for my whole life before I am Officially graduated. So short term student exchange and working holiday were the plans. Thanks to my laziness, I have missed so many deadlines for winter exchanges that I feel like banging the wall for thinking of this so late. But to be honest, I don't think I could afford any student exchange and working holiday since I wouldn't have enough money or sponsorship that allow me to do so. *Sobs.

After slacking for another 2 months, my latest plan to find a job overseas or pursue my UK dream. I might regret for telling so many close friends about my plan. What if I didn't get to achieve any of these? T.T Well I guess finding a job overseas would be more promising than my UK dreams?

All I need is motivation to do things man. I have been slacking for a whole week doing nothing but playing my tab games. I had so many times to start my application but I did not do it even the deadline is approaching. I'm so going to blame myself in the end. T.T (That's what happened to my JP Morgan application T.T)

I need motivation that makes me move. And I realized there is one reason which was always my motivation and goal. If I were to say what has made me who am I today, I would say half is because of my own self and other half is because of that.

The reason I want to excel in English, the reason I became a Bio student, the reason I made UK as my dream, the reason I decided to become a Business student, the reason I wanted to major in finance. 

He is always the reason. 

And now I have lost the reason and motivation. 

I need to find it back. 

ps. Oh gosh I ended up crapping a lot eh, and I need to stop getting back to my sleeping late habit. Aiks